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Monday, November 4, 2013

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - Part 1

I am launching a new segment on this blog. It's not everyday that you find witty, fantastic writers, who know how to tell a story that keeps you wanting more. I was already hanging by a thread, I must tell you. Lol!! So it was a great relief when Adetayo Kennedy ( Yes, Mr. AnQ-àrá!) accepted the offer to start this "Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler" exclusive to our very own blog!! Whoop Whoop!! It's all coming together.


Part 1..........

By 5a.m, I was already up washing my mum's car before she sets out to work(I don't blame her for not retiring early; she has a jobless son(me) and two daughters still in school), I have to make breakfast for my retired dad, feed the three big headed dogs, feed the twelve egg-laying chickens, the Rabbits and take out the trash. I never complain(or maybe I got tired of doing it) and once in a while, momsie slips a thousand naira note to me after having a five minute talk on either my belly,my hair or a family friend's son that got a job.

Today was very different, I had washed the car the previous night and 'pre-done' most of the chores to ease up my day, coincidentally, popsie(he'd kill me if he heard me call him that) was going out to inspect a project of his. And by 10am, this cutie knocks on my door and I escorted her into my house. We got the pleasures out of the way and after a sweaty hour, we were dressing each other up and proceeded to the 'parlour' to talk about the business end of her visit. Her brother needed to sell his laptop and hopefully get an android tablet from the sales.

Wait a minute, I forgot to tell you about myself...my name is Johnson Adebayo, on the streets, I go by many names; Johnny,streetwise,Rev J and most commonly LCH(Lagos city hustler). I'm a first class graduate of agriculture from some university in Nigeria, been searching for a good job and I turned to street hustling as a backup. I can sell almost anything, can get you anything and know pretty much anywhere in Lagos.Here are some of my tales on the street of Lagos.

Back to le cutie in my house, we headed to the popular computer village, I asked her to sit while I took the laptop around from shop to shop hollering at my old street friends, bargaining for the best price off the barely used laptop and I got a good deal off it, 50,000 naira was a good price on the street for a used HP laptop. I went back to her and told her I sold it for 35,000 naira and she was shocked it could get a price that high and we both set out looking for the best deal on an android tablet. After about 30 minutes, we found a desperate student of a private university who wanted to sell his tablet for an urgent cash. I told the girl to sit down(yes.....again) while I went with the guy to a corner of a building to talk business. He said he needed the money to attend a party with his girlfriend, knowing how gullible these private university students were, I told him I was going to pay nothing more than 30,000 naira...he looked displeased but accepted the offer as he told me that my offer was the highest he has heard all day.

As a sharp LCH, I asked to see and feel the tablet,I put it on and found it was perfect with over 100 paid apps and I wasn't gonna let this one off my sight. Unluckily for him, it had his name engraved at the back, I told him it would affect the price, he did not mind, I gave him 25,000 and he hurriedly took it and after confirming from his ID card that his name matched the engraved name, I collected the charger and other accessories and we part ways.

I had 25,000 naira profits already from the day's hustle but naaaah, I wasn't gonna stop there, I went into the streets and found another tab(of lower specifications and bought it for 22,000 naira,bought a new memory card and charger gave it to the girl...she was so happy about the new tablet(which was white) and even offered to go back home with me. We got home with one tab each for both of us(she did not know of mine), no cash but with incentives.

I would love to continue writing buh I'm distracted with le cutie and......where was I again?....err......you know what, I'd holla later!!!

LCH is an exaggerated non-fiction story exclusive to mofolusade's blog. Every name or character is fictional and any resemblance to a real name or character is just mere coincidence.