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Monday, June 22, 2015

Chronicles of Black.... introduction

You get to meet people everyday, some come into your life to stay, some, to fulfill a purpose and leave, a few wear both caps. I met Black only a few months ago, a fierce young girl with a purpose, getting herself through school without compromising herself. We got close recently and I realized, her story is worth sharing, not because she's perfect - you know me naa, I don't do perfect, but because she represents the struggle of many young Nigerian female students and she is taking it one day at a time without selling herself. 

I introduce to you the chronicles of Black..

Enjoy...

I'll try to make as much sense as possible and be as encouraging as I can without sounding like a motivational speaker. Most people seem to find them condescending.

I see a lot of trashy things going on around now, especially with the ladies and once you speak to them, they all usually have the “you don't know what I'm going through! I had no other option!” story. My ears have grown weary.

I personally think those are lame and lazy excuses. Not to be judgmental, but I really think you always have an option. In case you're wondering why I feel like I have the right to talk about this, let me shed a little light on how much I've been through also.


I HAD A FATHER ONCE…

I was born with a silver spoon; quite silvery for the time I was born. I had everything a child could hope for and amazing parents. I grew up not having everything I wanted, but having everything I needed. God forbid my disciplinarian father spoil his children. I assume that's why he sent us off to public schools for our secondary education. I mean this guy was an ambassador! He could easily have sent us to Georgia of England. But public school it was.

I resumed with my 'butty' mentality and it didn't take long before I became 'streetwise'. Endless cutting of grass, 'obtaining of provisions, horrible things to happen to an innocent child that I was. It was after dinner on a good Friday that my mother ran out of her room shouting 'Tope! Lily!' your father is dying!'

I was only 12. Nothing was wrong before we went to bed. What could have happened? Eventually father passed away! Hmmmm! My father died o. He left us alone.

My mother was a house wife, and she was the second of 2 wives. Yes! Polygamy. See all the children at least lived in unity; everybody loved everybody until father passed away. Then the issues started. Our father's legacy must be something, blah blah blah!

After the burial everyone went back to their lives and that was when the realization that our father had passed dawned on us. Housewife and her 4 children! Where would she start? Mother opened a small shop and started selling stuff. On most days we'd take home as little as 5 thousand with joy in our hearts. It was better than starving.

THE INDECENT PROPOSALS….

I started growing. I didn't look like my sister one bit. I had all the curves and hair. And the men started coming in drones. Oh yeah! Men! Not guys! And by this time I had turned 13. I remember the first man that ever came to me clearly stating 'if you don't have sex with me I can't help you with a dime!' this guy all but waved a wad of 1thousand naira notes in my face! Need I remind you that we took home only 5thousand in the good days. I tried the pity angle, maybe this man would sha give me 10 thousand and then never come back. Lol. I was rudely shocked! He said to me, “age doesn't matter. I have a 14year old girlfriend and we have sex! She stays in Lagos. You see I have daughters like you as well and I can't wish you what I don't wish my daughters!”. Oh good Lord. Take me away! What!! I scrambled out of his car and ran into my house.

That was only just the beginning. Even my father's friends began to notice how much of a woman I was becoming and how I had needs my mother could apparently not meet (needless to say I wore clothes with thin the ads about). The pressure was enormous. I turned 14, by this time I graduated from secondary school, and I had nothing to do. I tried different jobs. Taught in a school, worked in a bar, modeled, oh! The guy also told me to pick up the money from his house on a Sunday morning his pregnant wife left the house. I even almost acted. But you have to use what you have to get what you want. Hmmmm

How could I let this froggy old men touch me? Even my father would turn in his grave. Were there times I was tempted? Yes! Times that I'd wake up to my mother crying in the middle of the night, telling us how inadequate she felt. Times that I'd have to endure my mates hurl insults at me because they came in their father's cars and I the shop attendant was wasting their time.

The crux was when I met with another of my father's friends that told me he had a dream that I was his wife. That my destiny is this life was to be his burden bearer! Ehn! Jesus! That night I went my eyes out. In fact I started crying right there in front of him. This guy said no need to be overwhelmed. I understand how you feel. You've been praying for a helper for so long and God has finally sent you one. Don't throw it away. Me? That the plan was to go to England to study medicine before my father died? My destiny was to be a burden bearer to a 60year old man? Ah!

I less than politely said no to all of them; some pitied me and gave me money sometimes, some gave me jobs, others left and never came back. At 15, and in school, I was working 2 jobs. And I was happy. It was hard, but it was worth it. 

+Stephanie Obi this is for you!!! You are the baddest!

I CHOSE THE HARD WAY …..

I could have decided I wanted the youngest and the best looking of those men but that's the way a coward would look. That's the way a weak and needy woman would look. We seem to forget that for everyone you lay with you leave a part of you with. After 30 men how empty would you feel? How soulless would you have become? Then it becomes impossible to stop. Why stop? After all you live in a fancy house, drive a fancy car. And the thought of being poor again is scary enough to keep you going through as many men as you can handle!

People have gone through less and they settled for 'runs'. People have gone through hell and come out of it stronger. We all have lofty dreams with aims and goals and ambitions. But there's a price to pay; and trust me, sometimes it will be a lot.

Every time I look back to how much I've achieved since my father passed, I'm thankful.

You really don't have an excuse. Especially the ladies, we face a lot of crap from people. And you really can't blame them because of the trend that has been established.

I am in no way where I want to be, but I am not where I was yesterday…..

P.S

So I registered for +Stephanie Obi s mini course on how to create eye catching images!! From now on, I'll be showing off my very own images and quotes created by me me me!! Yaaay. Watch this space....

The course is on till the end of June by the way, so stop getting jealous and go and register ya heard!