Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler - LCH 17

My Dad used to tell me this particular story as a kid, it didn't turn up as much use then as it does now.

“The obstacle is the path.” – Zen Proverb

Here's the story;

"In ancient times, a King had a large stone placed on a roadway. He then hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Majority of the poor civilians loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. (Very typical......) Then a peasant farmer came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the stone, the farmer laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As the farmer picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the stone had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the stone from the roadway." (Yipeee)

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition, retrace our steps and 're-concentrate' on our goals. Facing trials and challenges in life is a programmed aspect of our life...the only fateful thing we can do is our attitude towards the challenge when it rises.. When it rains, all birds take cover by staying out of rain, but the Eagle fly above the clouds pouring the rain!

As an entrepreneur, these choices are hard; do I quit now after this much effort? Do I let someone else invest and I do all the work? Do I go for cheap materials or risk running at a loss to maintain starndards? Do I sell online or get a shop? But when the rain beats hard you either complain about how heavy it's raining and reject the opportunity of getting a good umbrella...sometimes, the choices are not this clear, It all boils down to our attitude and will to survive.

On one last note...see every challenge as an opportunity!

Have a great week.

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler - LCH 16 He's Alive!!

#attheCross,

He went to Hell with our sin-ticket on our behalf so we won't have to be there; He was beaten so we would not be beaten, He was condemned so we will escape the condemnation of the world; through His poverty we were made rich..and in His weakness we are made strong -- simply because we accepted His love for us and the gift of salvation.

Just like the Brazil nation is represented by 11 men, and when they win the whole country celebrates, likewise, #attheCross Lord Jesus Christ represented the whole World at the battlefront; sin and death were were conquered through the shedding of His precious blood..

He holds the key to death and eternal life; He championed over Satan and his angels; and handed the victory unto us never to fight Satan again. So if you are still battling a defeated enemy in area of your life, it's not worth it, it's just like using pin to pierce a mosquito net.. All you need do is to "rebuke him" and he will flee from you.

Jesus lives!

Enjoy Phil Driscol's rendition of he's alive again! I love this song. #throwback

Happy Easter from the Lagos City Hustler

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler - LCH 15 Shitty Ideas

How true is this? Hahaha....... only experience can tell

Sweat dripping off my face as I approached the door, about to go in and one of the cleaners stops me to say I had to order something before I could use their toilet, in a very subtle voice(unlike me), I told him I would, right after I used the loo(lemme form posh small), he refused till I had to go buy one 'scotch egg', walking as slowly as I could back to the cleaner, he then handed me a roll of tissue and a flashlight, and then told me to roll up my trousers...I could barely make out his words till I stepped in a pool of water leading to the bathroom.

I spent half of the toilet roll on covering every piece of ceramic on the cistern(posh again) and sat down to do my business while holding up the flashlight. Outside the toilet looked so lit up, it would confuse you for an alien abduction and in here, the only source of light was in my hand. I couldn't help but notice all the different scribbles of perverted Nigerians (Yea, why do people do that!! lmao) on the toilet door and cockroaches racing each other on the ceiling. (But guy, which toilet was this sef? GTB's one doesn't have roaches)

Next my phone rang, from the ringtone, I could tell it was my girlfriend, I wasn't gonna pick the call in there, I learnt the hard way when my phone fell into the poo I just let off at my grandma's burial (I had too much to eat), had to rinse off the phone first with soap and water before repairing it for thousands. This wasn't my first time with constipation, that demon has been haunting me since primary school where I once 'shat' on myself when 'aunty' refused to let me go to the toilet, did it once in secondary school too, we had just got back from an excursion from badagry slave trade route; you know that built up feeling you get when you are close to the toilet and its like you can't hold it anymore? Well as we got to the school gate, I was hoping to run in and use the toilet, then some bighead teacher slammed the door shut and decided to have a revival of prayers, I was this close to making a clean getaway with constipation and next thing I know, I had let it all out (I was the talk of the school for a term) Ewwwww!!

University went easy on me, if I felt weird, I'd rather not go to school and I was one of the few people who knew where they kept the toilet key for the library, my friends used to assume I enjoyed reading(if only they knew why I frequently visited the library).Okay, I had to hold this shit in to write this, I heard the gas would slowly build up and rise to the brain.....that's where shitty ideas come from!!!

See ya next week!

BIG BOLD RED DISCLAIMER - LCH, this is LCH by Adetayo Kennedy please note!! hehe

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler #LCH 13

After waiting patiently on a very long queue to use the ATM, just about three more guys till my turn and I tapped my pocket to see if my wallet was still there and DAMN!!! I just might have lost my wallet. I started trotting like gnomes in a yard, emptying my already empty pocket. It was like everyone has had that experience before, the people around me were like "your wallet shey?....it happens". I had that pseudo near-death experience; my ATM cards, my ID card, passport photographs of all my Exes (seriously! people carry that around? This guy's weird), important contact numbers, and a little tangible cash etc what was I supposed to do? I had just enough money to get me back home as loose change in my pocket but I had to do something.

It occurred to me that the last time I felt my wallet was the 'keke napep' I boarded to the bank, I hurriedly ran to the park and after scoping like a hundred tricycles, I couldn't find the driver; I waited about 1 hour hoping that he might drive down again. It was just a slim chance the wallet fell into the tricycle and even a slimmer chance he'd give it up.

I did go to their union office to tell them about my situation and the first thing the pot bellied man asked was; "is there cash in it?" and I replied no. He said the driver might return it if he found it first hoping that the passengers he might carry next did not find it first, now all I could do was hope and pray. I used the money with me to go to my girlfriend's house because her house was closer to the park hoping to check back in the evening. I was so sad and could barely hear anything she said.

She went from one gist to another, chatting away but all that clouded my thoughts were the many forms I'd fill to get a new ATM,sworn affidavits,police reports and the many eventualities should I not find my wallet. And just out of the blues, someone called me to come and get my wallet. Wait.....In Lagos? Like seriously? I couldn't just believe my eyes(and ears) and next you know it, I jumped up to retrieve my tshirt on the hanger and dashed out of the house. My dame was saying something, but it was totally lost on me.

I got to the park and found the pot bellied man smiling about the feat. He said he got my number from my business card and I quickly retrieved my wallet with joy, thanked him and left. I know right?...there are still few good people in Lagos.

Even though I did not find the cash in it (liar! I thought you said there was no cash? hian), I cared less because I was too happy I got my wallet back. Okay so I went back to her house and gave my dame all the attention she was seeking, this time feeling like a man(with a wallet)!!!

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - God save our land

Imagine you being the first child of a first child of a first child? Turns out I came from a long list of first childs, My great grandfather was a respected king which made my grandpa groomed for the throne. The man was a perfectionist(well...so I heard) but in a tribe where there are seven ruling families, royalty comes after every seven generations. My grandpa died a week before I was born and naturally I was named Babatunde(meaning the father is back), I hated the name and all that came with it, my grandma would attempt to always peck me on the lips anytime she comes over to greet, as much as I loathe that, I was excluded from all chores and beatings(oh, I got a lot of that)whenever she was around.

I was also groomed like my dad, I did extra chores, read extra hours, punished more often, even learnt to cook before my rapidly growing sister who was just 2 years younger. I did not grow up spoilt and rich, but I had the basic amenities of a Lagos raised kid: I had a lunch box with a water bottle attached to it, I had 2 pairs of uniform, I had my own fair share of whooping and I got to play on the streets till 7pm. I was a brilliant kid(I'm not sure if I can say same now), and got into Lagos State Model college at the age of 8. By 15,I had written jamb twice before enrolling for Diploma in the prestigious UNILAG. Squatting, Cult threats, carry-overs, Breakups, Clubbing etc were just a few I went by for the six years I used in the university(well the repeating strikes added two more years)

I felt what it was like being a first child for the first time when I went for my NYSC in Yobe State, I was lost and needed to talk to the first before me, I used to be scared talking to my father until then(after all the beatings, you would too), he made me realize how fast I grew and how much gap was between us. I was attacked during the first set of uprisings of boko haram, I hid from the assailants in an abandoned ditch and made what I thought was going to be my last call to my Dad, he told me to remember all he told me(he was a retired chief Security Officer at a multinational), he told me not to be the hero, and to take a good look at the environment and resources around me to my advantage and after an hour long conversation before my battery died, he said to me "You went there to serve your Fatherland, you will come back to serve your father's land"

Those words kept me alive and I was rescued by the army 13 hours after, I became a stronger man in will and determined at goals, I took those beatings, those childhood experiences, the nysc experiences and channeled the experiences into being a better entrepreneur and in turn a better person.

P.S I was lucky, but in recent times, not many have been as lucky. For those we've lost, let's remember them and pray for their families. Let us also collectively raise our voices to pray that God would heal our land.......and rid it of all this blood!

Memoirs of a lagos city hustler - LCH 12

At the nick of time, just before impact, I jumped off the bike and risked a bruised limb than to be severed underneath a benz 190; I was delivering an order to a lady in Yaba and in an attempt to meet up with her before she goes to pick up her kids, I showed up 45minutes late covered in some purple paint(that thingy they apply to bruises) and she was yelling and pointing out my unprofessionalism. I tried explaining myself but she kept shutting me up.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds and pictured my self spitting right into her mouth, kicking her to the floor and yelling to remind her I'm more educated than her husband, just then; I opened my eyes, faked a smile and politely apologized. She threw the money at me and as I bent down to pick the money, a tear drop rolled down my cheek.

I sat quietly in the bus on my way home and had a talk with God and did a revised starndard of my life. I've heard of entrepreneurs and small business owners having a dose of these treatment and all in an attempt to prove a 1800s quote right(the customer is always right kinda bullsh*t), we all go through a hard time satisfying our clients and customers, saving and reinvesting our profits, getting taunted by our working class colleagues and yet we strive to put up a smile and enjoy what we do.

The Government doesn't create an ample and encouraging platform for small businesses even though they contribute the most to the GDP(let's get serious here, the ogas at the top don't even know sh*t about these terms). We are left to fend for ourselves, seek unforeseeable loans, have investors that want half your business haunt you, have family meetings because of our career choice etc.

As much as I wanna do a katy perry's roar to everyone that dents my pride as an entrepreneur, all I get to do is dust off the insults and smile sheepishly like an idiot they think I am and get some of their many monies into my account.

P.S: If you know anyone willing to learn the ankara crafts(accesories and bags),AnQ-àrá(www.facebook.com/anqarabytharev) is training in coming months, holla jumoke on 08020999288

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - What do ladies want?

Feels good to be back in my hustling mode, was in idumota on friday and couldn't help but notice too many "reds" everywhere, it didn't click at first till I saw a banner saying "faletine promo", I just had to take the picture and post to twitter. I'm sure guys would have started scheming excuses for their many side chics and girls would start devising plans to rake in cash. I have been thinking about what to get my girlfriend(anything but a ring would do, I'm sure) and like Mel Gibson, I start to ask myself, what do ladies really want?

I'm sure many guys think they know what the ladies want(Ladies,you're all gonna thank me for this), you think its about giving them gifts, cash or the Bedmatics, well, we all got that wrong. I'd give you all an insight what an average Nigerian girl wants (when I say Nigerian, I choose to exclude the greedy ones..)with that being said, Let's begin!!!

1. A Man in Bed (oh yes, I had to start with this)

Its not just about the size or the speed(both of which can work against you), its about matching her pace, following her rhythm, knowing what she wants, how and when she does. Its about putting her first. 

2. A Financially stable man

Ladies don't want that lavish person who pops champie every friday because he can, they don't want a man that runs to his mum when he's broke either! They want that guy that can tastefully furnish a rented 3-bedroom apartment yet with plans to move to his own home

3. A Man with a plan

Even when everything aint stable or looking good, a well known attraction is a man that's certain to succeed because of his plans(I know this too well). You'd know one when you see him; he has a budget for cash yet received, has a masters for a job yet found, a skill for an industry yet grown!

4. A listening man

Fellas, I know we all hate a nagging 'female'. Its nature for girls to wanna talk, share their day, gossip about friends (not all of us do this joo!), talk bad about people (hian, it is a lie!), comment on their favourite soap, diss a bald neighbour...but one that listens always get their heart (even if we have to pretend, just pick a word out of the sentence to remember, in case she asks if you are following)

5. A God fearing Man

They don't want that 'pastory' or 'imamish' guy waking them up during their period to pray or quoting verses during sex; they just need a guy that believes in the existence of a God, can pray through difficult times and has morals

There are a lot more girls want, infact they are insatiable(at this point,I must draw a line between want and need) we can only try....ok with all of the above being said, every lady wants gifts at vals, so holla at the trezorlandia CEO herself for some great gift ideas this season, I'm sure she has something for you(and yes Aunty mofolusade, keep ma gifts ooo).

Till I write you next time, God bless our hustle!

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - 2014 #leggo #LCH

And kennedy is back! Welcome Ken, we missed you here.

Its the new year, how I miss writing, I guess the slow January got its toll on me. I wasn't all idle, I picked up an e-book on strategic management(for those that are friends with the Flintstones, its an electronic book you can read on a computer or mobile device). Okay, so what is strategic management and how does it affect entrepreneurs?

Strategic management is that aspect of Business that deals with the major intended and emergent initiatives taken by general managers (on behalf of or by the owners), involving utilization of resources, to enhance the performance of an organization in their external environments. It entails specifying the organization's mission, vision and objectives, developing policies and plans, often in terms of projects and programs, which are designed to achieve these objectives, and then allocating resources to implement the policies and plans, projects and programs(long story shey??), simply it is setting an achievable plan, rules, guidelines, mission and vision and you set out to achieve it.

In today's highly competitive business environment, budget-oriented planning(planning with a said amount) or forecast-based planning(anticipating sales) methods are insufficient for a large corporation let alone a small business to survive and prosper. Your business must engage in strategic planning that clearly defines objectives and assesses both the internal and external situation to formulate strategy, implement the strategy, evaluate the progress, and make adjustments as necessary to stay on track.

Environmental factors internal to the business usually can be classified as:
Strengths (S) or Weaknesses (W)
Those external to the firm can be classified as Opportunities (O) or Threats (T).
Such an analysis of the strategic environment is referred to as a SWOT analysis. The SWOT analysis provides information that is helpful in matching the firm's resources and capabilities to the competitive environment in which it operates. It is instrumental in strategy formulation and selection. (Whew...boring shey, let's jump to the cool part)

STRENGTH

A firm's strengths are its resources and capabilities that can be used as a basis for developing a competitive advantage. Examples of such strengths include:
Patents
Strong brand names(not the church-like names, (wait o, what's wrong with a church-like name? Hian))
Good reputation among customers
Cost advantages from proprietary know-how
Exclusive access to high grade raw materials
Favorable access to distribution/delivery networks
Technological know-how
Social media integration and adverts

WEAKNESS

The absence of certain strengths may be viewed as a weakness. For example, each of the following may be considered weaknesses:
lack of patent protection(when you do not brand your products)
a weak brand name
poor reputation among customers
high cost structure
lack of access to the best natural resources
lack of access to key distribution channels
Lack of social media knowledge
In some cases, a weakness may be the flip side of a strength. Take the case in which a firm has a large amount of manufacturing capacity. While this capacity may be considered a strength that competitors do not share, it also may be a considered a weakness if the large investment in manufacturing capacity prevents the firm from reacting quickly to changes in the strategic environment.

OPPORTUNITIES

The external environmental analysis may reveal certain new opportunities for profit and growth. Some examples of such opportunities include:
An unfulfilled customer need(there will always be a customer need that needs to be filled e.g ordering taxi, getting a gift, paying bills, etc)
Arrival of new technologies(eg cashless policy, delivery companies etc)
Loosening of regulations
Removal of international trade barriers

THREATS

Changes in the external environmental also may present threats to the firm. Some examples of such threats include:
Shifts in consumer tastes away from the firm's products
Emergence of substitute products
New regulations
Increased trade barriers

So why not analyse your business today, grab a pen and write out all your strength and edge over your competition; your weakness that makes someone in your genre of business better; foreseeable opportunities in your business and threats posed by either the government or other external sources to your business.
Bear in mind, every weakness can be overturned and fine-tuned into a strength and every threat can be an opportunity(as well as vice versa).

Infact, I challenge you to send me your SWOT analysis to my email for review(tundebisi87@yahoo.com)
Now that we've learnt something new, LCH(the funny and narrative hustler genre resumes next week)
I wish you a very successful business year!!!

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - Part 9 #LCH

Its was fun when I'd wake up by 10a.m. when everyone in the house had either gone to work or school, reading a newspaper while taking a dump, seeking attention and getting pseudo-relevance on twitter and other social media.….and GBAM!!! You go to the kitchen, no pot on the cooker and the fridge is locked!!!….like seriously?!….at this point, reality dawns on you…you've become a parasite to even your folks! Close to 27 with over 400 or more applications, 32 calls for interviews, 20 interviews, 12 offers…and still no job(sustainable and secured one I mean) and my parents were pretty fed up with my case and demands. (whiny baby, boo hoo)

Business had been slow and I hadn't paid any bills of late in the house! All I did was sleep, bury myself in my computer locked in my room and eat! Its not that the jobs weren't coming but after being a contract staff on a world bank project, the bar had been raised,  I wouldn't settle for anything less! I enrolled for my MBA a while back and that served as an excuse for some time but lectures were just for weekends and ASUU succeeded in dragging an 18 month programme to its third year….what's more, my account balance kept mocking me and the little money I made or raked from my folks went to; recharge cards, loading my nairabet account, subscriptions(DSTV, modem, blackberry and my cute android), investing in the small t-shirt business I had been running and to my sisters(they don’t care if I’m jobless). Though I didn't make extras, I made just enough to get me by in the month….then one day I sat down to retrace my steps, there had to be more to making a living than just getting a job if only I could just put more dedication into all I the work of my hands. The regular street hustle could become a regular business if I streamlined and concentrated efforts on a few, I thought.

I started consulting for other entrepreneurs, sourcing and procuring for firms from toiletries to gadgets, I printed my business cards and next I knew, satisfied customers were referring me to friends, I did not go to school to stroll around computer village looking indifferent from those just trying to make a living. I had become a link between those that have (and are willing to part with) and those that need(and are willing to pay for it). I once bought a cow for an client just coming in from Haaj and a carton of Nollywood movies for a family in London. Yea, I am badht like that!

Now people add me up on BBM just to help them push their wares, upcoming artistes call me to connect them to music sites, event planners and managers call to confirm market prices, friends call to get apps, pastors call to send bulk sms to members etc and oh yea, I call my parents once in every few days since I left their house...no more locked fridges and empty pots; just me calling out on my dreams!

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - Part 8 #LCH

This is my chance to post all the backlogs from my hectic week before. Kennedy was on time with submitting this, it was me, all me. No vex abeg.

LCH 8........

Emeka and Nkiru were taking a romantic walk down the beach one cool night. Emeka grabs Nkiru's hands, draws her closer to him, kisses her & says, "Baby! You know I love you. There's no one here. Its just us. Let's do WEEWEECHU. Nkiru looks around and says, "My love, I don't want to do WEEWEECHU please". Let's just hold hands & cuddle."Emeka agrees. After a while, Emeka asks her again, "Oh baby! Please my love! Let's do WEEWEECHU!"Nkiru replies: "Baby, don't rush me. I don't want to do it. I just want to be wrapped in your arms" Emeka calms down.After a longer while, Emeka couldn't hold it any longer. He says, "My heartbeat, its not fair oh! Let's do WEEWEECHU nah! Since last year oh!" Nkiru reluctantly agrees! So Emeka immediately grabs her closer to him, hugs her tight, brings out the guitar strapped to his back & they both start singing: "WEEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!" See your dirty minds! What were you thinking WEEWEECHU was?

Okay, I got you there right?! Its the week of Christmas, decorations everywhere, 'Loooooooong' queues at checkouts in the mall, no where to park on Lagos island, busy shoppers bumping into each other in idumota, answani, trade fair etc, cocks have stopped crowing for fear of being killed for the season, crazy church end-of-the-year revival posters, LASTMA and FRSC having a field time on unsuspecting drivers (I had my fair share of this, by the way), Customs seizing anything and everything, 13th month bonuses, hampers(sade berra send mine too), children crying for Christmas clothes, friends booking a spot at your yearly family party and not to forget a Look back into 2013.

I did a survey on all SMEs on my contacts last week, out of 120 interviewed; 85% believed 2013 wasn't good for business, 55% blamed it on the government, some blamed it on the big malls springing up everywhere, some blamed it on companies training everybody on previously respected crafts (events planning, forex, ankara crafts, soap making etc) others blamed it on lack of funds, a few blamed it on the new start-ups like dealdey, jumia, OLX etc. But I noticed a trend about all those that complained, they have not been able to move with the world and adopt social media as a business tool.

In recent years, social media has become a huge and integral component of how people spend their time online. Between wikis, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, and many others, people are spending enormous amounts of time on websites used to share information and connect with people. Not surprisingly, people are easily connecting with others and sharing information (and complaints) more than ever before.

Many people get their news, gossip, and friendship updates via social network sites, sometimes even before breakfast from the convenience of their mobile phone or laptop.(OK,let's get geeky a bit) Social media can be defined as a website or internet service that allows users to interact with each other and create content instantaneously. Examples include Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, Flickr, Twitter, etc. These online media facilitate conversation as opposed to traditional media, which delivers content but doesn't allow readers/viewers/listeners to participate in the creation or development of the content. Social media allows people to share content such as life updates, pictures, videos, quotes, or anything the user creates or finds interesting and wants to share.

This has made companies adopt social media as a business tool to share product information, get feedback, receive and treat complaints and have a real-time review of their products. Let me quickly iterate two of the famous social media platforms you can adopt for your businesses and how to go about it

FACEBOOK

A typical Facebook page consists of the insights (number of likes, percentage likes per week, reach of post etc), contents (posts, pictures, links, etc) and the overall design. As an SME trying to cover more ground, it is only expected that you have a Facebook page and a standby IT team(your team could be yourself and a sibling or spouse) to constantly monitor and reply posts.

The number of page likes shows how popular the company or business is. This can be boosted by promotions on websites, social media PR companies and referrals/promo from known fans, post boost, Facebook adverts. One could also pay PR companies to get likes (it is an average of 10,000 naira for every 1000 Facebook likes they fetch you).

It is one thing to have a popular Facebook page, it is another to keep it popular, that is where unique content creation, quizzes, quotes etc comes handy.(If you need help opening a facebook page, promoting and/or maintaining it, you should be talking to me...just call me 08059848080)

TWITTER

Twitter is a micro blogging site that allows sharing of information, pictures, videos etc in very few concise words. Online shopping sites and multinationals use it for adverts, product review and promotion as well as complaint reviews. A simple problem can soon turn to a trend on social media and bring down any government, company or individual (look what happened to Justine Sacco!)

Twitter pages unlike Facebook, involve followers rather than likes which creates the illusion of a more interactive platform and the need to satisfy your followers and listen to them. Trends and promotions are easier to start on twitter and PR companies can as well help promote the brand and fetch one followers and/or audience.

Okay I think I spilled too much on social media, I'm yet to receive hampers(hehehehehe....izz true na) from my dear readers, either ways I'm glad you all enjoy reading from us. In case you need any help with social media integration with your business, do not hesitate to give us a call....2013 is going out slowly, get ready for a prosperous new year!

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - Part 7 #LCH

Part 7......

Let me take you all back memory lane, I was kind of a bully in primary school, I'd always play the thief in "police and thief" and the "police" were scared to catch me. My school bag weighed nothing less than 30kg with stitches that served as war scars, my understanding maths 1-6, brighter grammar, queen's premier, 

Macmillan English, all my notes from primary 1-5 were always in my bag and I would cry anytime my mum asked me to remove them. I remember taking at least 15 sharpened pencils to common entrance. I had my brown bata cortina and my Wednesday canvas.

This must be Kennedy and his cronies from way back! hahaha

I remember agbo, edet, wakama and odion, ada, ali and simbi etc, playing that game of opening pages and counting the number of people on the pages, table soccer, baba dudu, sisi pupa, plucking 'fruint', mangoes and apples, inventing things out of nothing, renting bicycles, nicking coins from our parents(we all did that, chai)! I had fun spending holidays with cousins or at the village, going on excursions, watching kiddie vision, waiting for 4pm for TV to come on; clapperboard was the best movie station, telematch, gboro miro, Sunday rendezvous. Such fun memories from the days of parlie soda, limca, tandi, dr pepper, ginger ale, Christmas clothes, cupboard TVs, daewoo racer, spin dial telephones etc

All these were just primary school experiences, some of us had more fun than others but we all had fun......what happened to all that?! Guess we got too busy growing up. Now I flip News channels and all I see is some bad news in Syria, Egypt or turkey or some train and plane crash. The environment is not friendly let alone subtle for we entrepreneurs. They say we(entrepreneurs) contribute mostly to the GDP of the country yet the dividends are hardly visible. We invest so much money, time, driving, bus jumping, backaches and headaches just to break even. Most of our '9-5' colleagues that envy the amount of time that we have to ourselves are the same that mock us when we ask them for loans. The Government isn't doing much about loans and incentives(how would they when they are busy stockpiling for the next election). Just a week back, I was pissed at Mofolusade (what! is Kennedy taking a shot at me, on my own platform?!) for spanking her boys because they refused to sleep, then I thought to myself; if I was out hustling all day and came home deadbeat and some 'fingerlings'(Na you go born fingerlings!) were running round the study while I was trying to calculate my daily expenditure, I'd probably kick them with a timberland boot.

But the honest truth is; we had fun in Primary(and some till university days) and now we decided to work our 'donkeys' off by ourselves while slowly gathering clients and a network of friends in order to build an empire for ourselves. When we all retire(ourselves and our 9-5 colleagues), they would be living off pensions and begging to invest in our businesses while we are on vacation with our laptops split between bloomberg and skype sessions with our staff and the accounts manager on speed dial to confirm cheques. If you are an entrepreneur struggling now, all you have to do is believe in your struggle and see it through. This we will do! No giving up. No sob stories about government and the environment to hold us back.

Its a Monday after-all, I'm outta here....the street is calling my native name. You can always follow and check out my favorite tweets on @4Qhen(I can't assure you sanity, maturity or responsibility though) like they say, I'm responsible for what I say not what you understand.

Memoirs of a Lagos City Hustler (LCH) - Part 6 #LCH

Hi.... byeee (that's all I can muster right now). TIRED.COM!!


Part 6......

I was working my ass off on a research paper to submit as draft for my thesis(yes I'm an educated street boy with a MBA), my stupid modem decided to be a draw back and without hesitation, I carried my laptop and biked to the nearest internet Hotspot to continue my research(partly because I was a week due on submission and also wanted to leave my dark evil room that finds a way of keeping me indoors for days). I was minding my own business but couldn't resist noticing this rough guy beside me with an iPad, Blalackberry Q10, iPhone and a car key on his table, also a half bottle of champagne and a Mac Laptop. So much profanity and vanity couldn't let me concentrate besides, his command of English was a laxative to my bowels yet this guy was way richer than me, How?

After like an hour, he asked me if I could mask his IP(for non-geeks, that's when you hide your computer information and it looks like you are browsing from another country), I told him it was easy and did it in a flash and went back to my thesis, he drew his seat beside me and couldn't stop blabbing. He said if anyone else wanted to do it, they would have charged him 10,000 naira and I asked him if he would prefer to pay me rather than shut up to continue whatever he was doing. He begged if he could learn it from me and ordered a bottle of champagne for me, I told the waiter to hold on to it as I put him through. He gave me 30,000 naira after 2-Hours of teaching him.

I found out he was a 'game-boy'(yahoo-yahoo) and when I asked him why he chose that route, he asked me if I would prefer he robbed houses or be a nuisance to the society. I sat him down and gave him a lecture about businesses he could invest in, matured ethics(and not flashing your possessions). He was so intrigued, right there he registered for a course online at the University of Liverpool, we talked about investing in friends and real estate, a frontier business to have and building a house for himself. He was so excited about our discussion that he gave me 20,000 naira extra(don't know why they carry so much cash) and offered to take me out, I turned down his offer nicely and we exchanged numbers,he paid his bill and left.

I went to the bartender and asked how much a bottle of champagne cost and he said 25,000 naira and I politely asked him to refund 20,000 naira for my champagne paid by the dude and keep the extra 5,000 naira. He couldn't stop thanking me(you don't make that much tip in a week) and by the time I left the cafe, I was 70,000 naira richer(that's an average graduate's salary in Lagos) but with an incomplete thesis. I did not mind, I was ready to retry the annoying modem. It was almost closing time for the banks when I rushed in to deposit 65,000 naira into my account.

I do not support scams and frauds, but I see our leaders siphoning the country's wealth, I see no jobs being created, I see a frustrated education system, I see bad roads, I see an environment where entrepreneurs struggle to stay afloat, I see a failing legal and electoral system, I see the social media being used for the wrong reasons, I see petty 'kleptos' being jailed for life while 'politrobbers' ride around with sirens! If sharing knowledge and ideas could fetch me 70,000 naira in 6 hours, I might as well share with the devil himself, what counts at the end is who you impact change and knowledge to and how much money you get.....well I did both and reaped something.

Do have a great week entrepreneurs(and mum-preneurs) and don't forget to impact into someone and make this.......err.......PAPER!!!!